I miss you..but I hate you..oopss..No...I still Love U..damn it!

I just wonder if you are still there
Having a thought on me or you're just happy with someone else...
Ahhh..who cares..that's what the reality says..
but deep inside me..it really hurts..
Though time will heal..but it scars won't fade whatsoever way..


We loved..but we never been together
We crushed...but we never meet each other..
We planned..but we never known the bright and dark side of each other..
I just wonder what made us fell in love with each other


Finally..you made it clear
When you blamed me on all the things that I have done
in all the things that I have said...
for not giving you the chance to think about our so-called virtual relationship...
for not giving you a realistic thought about our life...
when you said that things would never be the same again..
you asked me to forget
but that is totally impossible for sure..


Perhaps I'm just another useless piece of chapter that went missing in your book..
or just a scratch in your masterpiece
or just a dust on your mound
or just a splinter
that things won't happen for sure...
but I never blame you my dear...but in fact I still say..till this day
that I will always miss you
love you
take care of you...
each second and each day
cause' you've made my day and night......


Perhaps I am insane..
Thinking of a person who never thinks of me...
Loving a person who never take cares of me...
But...who cares..anyway that is none of their business
Things will change soon..and let the things of the past become my lesson for the future
Never repeat the same mistake...
Let destiny turns its wheel...
Let fate decides what will happen next...
All of us are just like a surfing board on top of a wave...
You played it wrong and you will be flipped into the raging waves...
You tactfully glide on it and you will reach the shore............


"SORRY FOR EVERYTHING...I NEVER MEANT TO MAKE YOU UPSET...YEAH..I BLAMED NO ONE BUT MYSELF"

Drawing the curtain down for the Year 2011 and looking ahead for the wonderful year 2012!

It's time to say "goodbye" to the year 2011; nothing much for me to feel grateful a year that I consider as a mediocre one. Spending a year which can be considered as a "recovery year" after an "apocalyptic" year is not easy. Thank God, due to His eternal grace and mercy I finally managed to close another chapter of my life; not to be dismissed but to be cherished and also a reminder on how to value our life despite the difficulties that we face. I still remembered what one of my senior-online-friend who gave me this advice regarding my "melancholic attitude" (Thanks Mdm Lorita and Miss Yang for a thorough explanation of the word "melancholic")-"There's no need to look back, my friend. It's time to move ahead with your life. Your FB posts clearly show that you are still living in the shadows of your past even though you denied it again and again. Let bygones be bygones though…"P/S: Thanks my friend..I really appreciate your advice and I am sure your actions will generate a huge amount of positive karma that will alleviate any hindrances in your life. J.

I missed the time when my lovely "sayang" told me a story of the origin of Tambunan, a small but very serene countryside town in Sabah. We should learn from history. Tambunan: The fusion of the names of two Dusun Tilombunan groups who were once rivals; Tamadon and Gombunan became "Tambunan". It wasn't about Mat Salleh who fought for his people's rights afterall.

   Those who learnt Feng Shui or even those who have no knowledge in it realize that the Year 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit. Yupp…figuratively speaking, we can consider this animal as a cuddly, adorable and quiet creature who would avoid confrontation at any cost. So, we can deduce that there will be peace among warring nations and less earth tremors isn't it? The reality is, when we looked around us, things seem to be worse from day to day. Famine, wars, natural disasters and economic downfalls are everywhere around us. I am sure, even if you are not a Feng Shui enthusiast, you will definitely argue on the "direct" interpretation of this year's energy, right? 
My amateur and limited skills in both Classical and "New Age" Feng Shui helped me a little bit in improving my luck for the year. As a Rooster, I tried to do my best to avoid any confrontation with other people that could worsen my Annual afflictions. I preferred to sit back, plan ahead and improving my financial and career life. I would even buy some Feng Shui books written by famous local authors. Life was so busy till reaching a point that I do not have time at all to look for a new personal relationship, how far a marriage! I would rather prefer to use the energy of the "Rabbit in conflict with the Rooster Year" to do more positive karmic actions in order to get myself ready for the fabulous Year of the Dragon in Year 2012 (Based on the Chinese Hsia Calendar, the year actually will start at 4^th February 2012.)


As I spent most of my times outdoors and definitely travelling is one of my top favourite activities, I can see that one of human's desires is to make one's wish (or wishes) become true. They went to the temple and asked the deities to predict their future luck, visit magical places and a never-to-be-forgotten offering One of them is the wish making "rituals" and that would involve visiting "magical places". Throw a penny into the well and wallop…the Guardian Spirit will grant your wish no matter how difficult or impossible it is. If that so, there will be another thousands of Donald Trump-alike tycoons or countless maiden who are as hot as Nicole Scherzinger if their wishes are truly fulfilled. I am not arguing on the effectiveness of these places or consider a "wish making" thing as a childish or "in vain" activity, but let us get back to reality, face it as it is and if you want to make a wish, try to make a more reasonable wish such as opening up more opportunities to money-making or even to heal a broken relationship with your spouse. That is more effective to me rather than to say "I want Prince William to propose me.." Ahah! You can see the difference, right?

The Double Phoenix: A very popular Feng Shui symbol of "doubled opportunity". Feng Shui itself is not a magic; it won't make you rich overnight or making Prince William kneeling in front of you for proposal right at the doorstep!

Alright, I will discuss further on the "Wish Making" topic in my next blog since our focus now is on the Feng Shui reviews for this year and the year o come. I still hold to the basic concept of the Trinity of Luck which is the essential of any Feng Shui and BaZi knowledge regardless of its school or ideology; which we call the "Heaven (Tien), Earth (Ti) and Ren (Man) luck. Each type of luck carries 33% of chances and if you fully make use all of them, then your chances of arriving at your goal will be much better than those who aren't! Consider this analogy, a person who lives in an area where there are known deposits of gold will never become rich unless he knows how to track them, owns devices that will be able to obtain and process gold and finally his own efforts to dig deep inside the soil or even creating a King Solomon's-scale gold mine! 

Heaven Luck, which is the Destiny of a person can be analogized as a place where there are deposits of gold buried. You won't find gold anywhere unless you are destined to live in a land where gold can be found. The same thing goes to a person; a person who is not destined to have a good BaZi chart (e.g not destined to be a billionaire like Bill Gates since the wealth stars are not present in his chart) won't be able to be another "him", right? But wait, it's only 33% of the overall luck and there's still another 66% which should be considered despite your "not destined to be a rich person" type. It is proven that there are people who do not have wealth stars in their BaZi chart but through Feng Shui and Man Luck which involves timing (and their own effort (by being hardworking, venture out into business, choosing the right path of career) they will become much better than those who are "born with silver spoon" but yet they put less effort compared to those who are not. There are numerous people who started from a scratch but as the time goes (with a lot of effort and some "luck" definitely) they become the prominent figures in the Forbes' List of Wealthiest People in the World.

Everybody had this "gold rush phenomenon" as soon as the ASB counters were opened at various branches. Money come, money go:

Not everyone is destined to be a super-rich billionaire; but yet we still can use our potentials to the fullest by being opportunistic and willing to give our best in anything that we do.

          Personally, this year can't be considered as a good year, especially for a Metal Rooster. Afflictions like the Natural Disaster Star, opposing the Grand Duke Tai Sui and a direct confrontation with its natural astrological enemy: The Rabbit! Nasty things did happen in the East; as the Deadly Five Yellow Star paid a visit and created havoc like earthquakes, economic downfall and other calamities that deeply create a serious impact to the humankind. By the way, the Dragon Year surely promises lots and lots of possibilities that surely manifest the ripening of good karma done by humankind. Happy New Year everyone and I wish you all the best for the coming New Year!

Winstedt's Philosophical Article: Learning to accept and love the we are as the way we should be...

Dream car perhaps??? Being different is unique, not a freak!

In a non-philosophical way, which is understood by most people who are also non-philosophical, I love to write something which is philosophical..hahha..hard to understand? I hope this won't put you down, or am I? I'm not going to write things in simplicity since for my personal interest and the sensitivity of certain groups of people, I would rather coined the terms that I am going to use in the remaining part of my article in a more "delicate, intricate but yet precise" way. So, I would like to apologise to any people out there who would find it extremely hard to comprehend my article and I suggest that you should read my other articles which are also available in my blog; which are written in a more simplistic manner.


"I am born this way", yeah..that's what Lady Gaga said. We loved to be who we are. We loved being accepted the way we "are born". This particular group of people think that they belong to no one except themselves, and any attempts or even actions that might deprived them of their rights are considered as an ostracism or a blockage against their "goals". I am not an "anti establishment group", but I would consider myself as being on the "safe, orthodox" side. Yes, the word "orthodox" seems to be a very intriguing, or even irritating one for some. Rationalist, the "enlightened", revolutionist and globalist would termed this people as "old fashioned and conservative" and I guess I would be put in their top 10 list as one of the most conservative people that they ever met in their life (LOL..hahha! Come on, or else I won't have any FB account or even my own blogspot if that is so immensely true...).

(Hahaha..this is a back cover of a book titled 'Telajan, the Son of Keling" written my late granduncle, Moses anak Beti, the youngest sibling of my late grandfather's from my mother's side. He was one of the inspired Iban writers who wrote in originality without being pushed by any parties. I really admired him and perhaps this talent never dies and keeps to run in the his family bloodlines---including me perhaps??).


To be frank, let us review what people might think of the term "old-fashioned and conservative" refers to (by referring me myself as a scenario).
Argument #1: I don't change my mobile phone or even my phone number. That means I am an anti-change or even an anti-technology person.
Facts (to be refuted if you can): I owned my Nokia 3310 since year 2001 and it remained until now ( I never buy my own mobile phone, I only possessed the "second hand" N..something..something..(forgot it) model handed down by my sister who found that the features in it were no longer relevant ( Honestly..for God's sake I don't know what the hell is 3G and 4G is all about). Some of my colleagues possess Iphone 4, Samsung Galaxy SII, Galaxy Tab and other advanced gadgets that might put people in an awe as they behold the magnificent stuffs in their hands ( I guess..but I'm not that really "awed" by the splendorous sight..hahaha!)

It's another long holiday and I don't know what the hell I am going to do! LOL!

Yeap....definitely everybody will be terribly excited after hearing the word "holiday". For most of us, the word "holiday" itself means "rest, vacation, recreation" plus an extra long list of activities that would accompany the single word. Our school officially "closed its gates" exactly at a very unique date; 11.11.11..hahah..This is to give way to the coming SPM examination which is going to be held starting from next week. Most teachers will take this opportunity to spend their times with their spouses and family members; or just to look on for "extra incomes", namely invigilating examinations or joining teams of examiners. Or else, holidays remain holidays unless it is spent wisely and usefully. As for me, it's another "hibernation" period for me; to reflect on what I have done for the past 11 months as I approach the end of the year 2011. It is also a good time for me to retune my "biological clock" as I used to wake up by 6.00 a.m everyday and start up my daily routine as a teacher.
Well...wait! There's something came up my mind the moment I am writing this: I am now exactly 29 years 11 months and 8 days (hahaha..LOL) and soon I will turn 30. 5th December is approaching and I am counting my days as I am trying to figure out my next step. As I looked back at my past, I am glad that I have gone past all these hardships; thank you God for giving me the strength to carry on. Certainly, life is a continuous "cross-bearing" journey, as the LORD says. It's true indeed, an undeniable truth to be exact.
The year 2011 does not count so much for me, I would rather consider it as a "rehabilitation" period after my break up with someone more than a year ago. A lesson that need to be given a special thought indeed, but that won't put me down either. People might ask about the possibility to start up another new relationship with another person. I respectfully refuse their queries though deep inside my heart I still deeply miss the person who already left me for no obvious reasons. Hmmmh...I have to stop being melancholic; stop dreaming about the past, it's time to look forward and never look back. The pain subsides, but yes- I still can see the scar; a deep scar left by the bloodiest wound.

Prayer: LORD, thank you for letting me to live and worship Thee once again. I realise that everything happened with reasons and I am definitely put all my trust and confidence in Thee alone. Thank you LORD for taking away my sufferings. My sufferings are nothing compared to Thy Burden of the Cross which Thou carried along the Road to Calvary. I forgive those who hurt me before, intentionally or unintentionally. Heal their heart, O LORD and let Thy Eternal Light penetrates deep into their souls so that they also might realise that Thou always live and forgive them. LORD, help me to gather enough strength as I walk along the pathway of this life until one day I will meet you face to face in Thy Eternal Kingdom. AMEN.

Travelogue: Bintulu

Taman Tumbina, Bintulu...the only mini-zoo in the Northern part of Sarawak. Though not as big and varied as the infamous National Zoo,  it was much cleaner and more properly managed.

 The African Mahogany tree; I took this opportunity to knock its trunk three times to invoke the blessings of the tree spirit. Superstitious, huh???

 Me and my lovely family strolling along the wooden, man-made trail....it was such a day but it was a total fun!

 Posing in front of the non-functional, artificial waterfall...heheh

 A tiger with a human face...it wasn't scary after all

This was one of the main reasons why I went to Bintulu; its famous and beautiful rocky beach@Tanjung Batu a.k.a Pantai Temasya.

Looking at the sunset as I set my eyes upon the horizon. If I am not mistaken, the famous Teluk Chempedak Beach of Pahang is directly opposite its Sarawakian counterpart; almost a thousand miles apart, separated by the vast body of salty water of the South China Sea....By the way, it reminded me of the times where I spent my spiritual trip to Kuantan back to my campus times...:0

Somehow or someway, I learnt a new lesson in my life: We live this life once and we don' t want to waste it somehow...;)

Time passed by and as we approached the end of the "lucky" year, many people will wonder; " I couldn't believe it! It's September and I have done nothing to realise my New Year's resolution (or our so-called previous years'-countless resolutions..ahaaa! You got that right?). A new job...a new working place...new friends and colleagues...and perhaps a new love (I would rather say that the last thing I mentioned here had been said a zillion times since my recent breakup...huh! Such an eerie and weird psyche I am, right?).
As for me, my present life was totally different since I lost the ones that I loved so much; my lovely Dad who went to meet the LORD 6 years ago...(God Bless his soul), my mother who was being stigmatised by the slanderers and ill-minded society (but now, praise the LORD...she is still a single, widowed mother who can stand on her own and thus----I don't need another Father..I repeat..another Father.FULL STOP!), my troublesome siblings who kept total reliance on me till to the point that I even became a "father" to their children and more recently, I lost a person whom I thought to be "the best person I ever loved in my life" since my promiscuous life (honestly, but now I need a real, loving person) left me with nothing but and aching heart...(honestly I still love you though you might never...perhaps???) God, please forgive them for what they have done! I don't have the right to shut anyone's mouth but I am definitely sure KARMA will definitely do its work.Well said, I am quite contented with my own life for the moment, and gossshhhh...as I looked back, I never believe that I have passed all these and I am so grateful that the LORD our GOD; in His mercy and kindness had given me another oppurtunity to live and praise His name! Praise the LORD!

It's the Month of May and see...????

May...Maya...the Graeco-Roman Goddess of Spring and flowers...that was the first thing that came up in my mind after our sweet and simple family athered together for the "Mother's Day Celebration. Well said, this is supposed to be the mid-Spring month in temperate countries. Right here, in Malaysia, we celebrate the "joy" of the Mid-Spring months in our own way: Yess..the Harvest Festivals will soon arrive and that will mark the end of another paddy-planting season. The Sabahans, alongside their Sarawakian counterparts celebrate Tadau Kaamatan and Hari Gawai Dayak respectively.

Hey, about the Teacher's day celebration? It's not considered as a "celebration', but it should be better known as "a day of special tribute to the teachers" where students will give out ttheir best to make thier teachers as happy as they can...:)